January 2019, Before the Landlord Chaos Started

Here’s some stories and photos from January (and even December) that I had written down as they happened at the time. I’m sharing this before I document the craziness that started after January 24th when the health department came to our apartment and everything changed. Here are some ups and downs from the very start of the year.

January

On January 16, 2019, I had just returned home from taking Moo Paw and her baby to the doctor. We went to go hang out at Hser Boe Paw’s with Day Mu too. We sat together for a couple hours just talking. Hser Boe Paw started telling me about how she recently had to pay $138 to replace her leaky kitchen faucet. Confused, I asked for more information. Her husband found the bill for me and placed the invoice letter in my lap. Sure enough, it was dated December 21, 2018 outlining their need to pay the $138 in addition to their rent payment January 1st. She had paid it a few weeks ago but I knew this was unjust. Replacing a leaky faucet is just standard necessary maintenance. It’s not something a tenant needs to pay for. And it’s beside the point, but I don’t think it would cost more than a hundred dollars to replace a faucet anyway. I needed to call and see what I could do. 

I called the number, with my three best Karen friends sitting around me waiting to see the outcome. As usual, the woman who answered was immediately defensive– they usually don’t like me calling for my neighbors. I think because they know they’re getting someone who is confident and not afraid to tell them how it is. After I very assertively outlined what is and is not acceptable for a tenant to pay for, the lady finally made the decision that they would reduce the cost of next month’s rent by the $138 in an effort to refund the “mistake”. That’s great that we resolved this, but to me, it still wasn’t resolved. I was furious saying, “If I am not here to call and advocate for these people than they are just shit out of luck. They are getting taken advantage of far too often. It’s not fair and it’s not right. What do I need to do around here to make sure these people are getting fair treatment?” She said, “Ma’am we are human and we make mistakes!” And I said, “You’re right, people do make mistakes and it’s okay to occasionally make mistakes but what is not okay is businesses that don’t double check things or take caution to verify they are correct in charging a vulnerable family hundreds of dollars. It’s completely irresponsible and something NEEDS to change!” 

When I got off the phone and told Hser Boe Paw we got her money back, the ladies couldn’t believe it. They were clapping their hands, holding me so tight, saying, “Thank you Chase! Thank you for helping me. Thank you for helping my people! I feel like God loves me so much to bless me with you!” I was shaking still from my heart racing in anger over this issue. They held me so tight. I thanked God for loving me enough to give me them too. But the work isn’t finished. So I am not fully satisfied. I may never be. 

That afternoon, several hours later, the apartment’s exterminator, Bill (who was the guy from the maintenance story with Brooke where we went around from apartment to apartment together all day long writing down all the issues) and his assistant Zachary came to my apartment to spray for cockroaches. Anyway, I forgot to mention that both of those men were in Hser Boe Paw’s apartment taking a look at the mouse problem when I had made that phone call to the office earlier that same day. I didn’t think about that when they arrived and were spraying in my apartment for bugs later. 

Zachary piped up, “Hey, the way you handled that phone call earlier was incredible. I was really rooting for you!” I sort of laughed, a little embarrassed, a little empowered. Bill said, “Yeah I was like, ‘Look at that girl go! She’s not afraid of Paladino! Yell at him! Tell him how it is!’” We all laughed together as I thanked them for their support. They told me they were here for me for whatever issues we had and they loved what we were doing for our neighbors. Isn’t this beautiful?? These are good, wonderful people working for Paladino who are trying to make changes from the inside out. After they left, I felt even more motivated to fight the good fight and to not give up. 

 

******

 

I love opportunities where our community expands and feels a lot bigger than just this small complex. Gyung, you know, the maintenance guy we always talk about who is so helpful and always on our team, called me one day in January 2019 telling me his family needed help with something small that they didn’t know how to do. He asked, “Would it be at all possible for you to help them? Everytime I come to your apartment to fix something, you are always helping someone and I wanted to know if you could help me help them?” My heart was filled with genuine joy, “Gyung! I’m soo glad you asked!” 

He and his sister and her husband came to my apartment the very next morning. All they needed help with was figuring out how to register their oldest daughter for Kindergarten! So precious. His family was as kind and gracious as he is. I called the TAC building, gave some information about where they lived, when their daughter’s birthday is, and the administrator I was talking to gave me the location, date, and time of the Kindergarten round-up they should attend with their daughter at the end of the month. This family totally understood the information I gave them and were familiar with the specific elementary school they would have to go to and said they wouldn’t need help getting there that day. It was such an easy thing to do, but it meant the world to them. I don’t know how many times they thanked me and how relieved they were to know how to get their daughter into Kindergarten next year.

I just tell this story because it’s so simple, right? Literally anyone could do this stuff. There’s nothing great about me. I think of how stories like this one might help others see how just mutual shared love, respect, and kindness goes a really long way. Gyung helps us (even if it is his job to help us… he does it with love and passion for his people and it shows) and because we both cared enough to ask questions about each other’s lives, we now have a relationship that mutually benefits from the other. This is Jesus at work here even in the tiny moments.

————-

I had a Karen man in his twenties, who I barely knew, ask me to help him write up a resume so he could try to get a welding job. I found out he had already become a foreman (so proud!) and so the hard part was over; I could surely help him with a resume. He came the next day and two and a half hours later, we had a very nice resume written. He got an interview that same week and subsequently got the job. Praise God! 

_______

 

On Friday, January 18th, the kids had a snow day on a day it never snowed but the danger of the impending rain making the roads incredibly slick made OPS call off school a whole day early. Around 1pm, I was hanging out at a neighbor’s apartment after taking them to Walmart and helping them bring in their groceries when a different neighbor knocked on the door looking for me and thought she’d find me there. 

Hser Boe Paw was breathless looking for me explaining her husband had just called her and said he was okay but he got in a car accident and she needed to “CALL CHASE!” many times over. I slipped my shoes on fast and we hopped in my car as I tried to keep Hser Boe Paw calm. As soon as I backed out of my parking spot, my car slipped down the hill and wouldn’t stop until I nearly smashed into a light pole. Praise God my new Honda Pilot Robbie brought home for me just two weeks prior, stopped mere inches away from damage, but I realized the city wasn’t joking around. This weather was getting bad in a hurry.

In her panic, she tried to direct me to where she thought the accident happened. She was saying she thought it happened near Rose Hill Elementary but then was guiding me in a completely different direction from that school. I knew it was just because of the chaos of her worry that she wasn’t able to get out exactly what she meant. We went North on 52nd street until we saw police lights. I knew it must be the place. 

Right at the intersection of 52nd and Pratt, Thin Win, Hser Boe Paw’s husband had been driving going North towards his work that afternoon when a van was coming down a steep hill of an intersecting street that had a stop sign at the bottom of it (the street Thin Win was traveling on did not have a stop sign) and the van couldn’t stop. The roads were too slippery. With no control, they slammed into Thin Win’s car, which pushed him head on into a UPS truck that was sitting at the stop sign on the other side of 52nd Street. Thin Win’s Nissan Versa’s front end that collided with the UPS truck ignited into flames. Everyone was completely okay. The UPS man, Thin Win, and the woman in the van with two young children. PRAISE GOD again. 

When Hser Boe Paw and I arrived, the firemen were extinguishing the flames as his vehicle melted and smelled awful. The policemen were so kind and thankful for me. I was actually able to translate a lot of stuff that Hser Boe Paw really actually knows in English but due to her state of mind at that moment, wasn’t able to fully understand the English. 

Hser Boe Paw and I had left in such a rush that neither of us grabbed real coats. We had sweaters on, but she was even just wearing sandals and no socks, and neither of us had gloves or scarves or anything to really protect us from the bitter 12 degree temperature. At one point, after standing in the freezing cold for more than forty minutes waiting for all the emergency crews to wrap up their business and get back to us with all the paperwork we needed, Hser Boe Paw told me she really desperately needed to pee. There weren’t any businesses in sight, so I told her I would knock on a homeowner’s door. 

We slowly walked to the home, realizing we couldn’t move normally; our legs were painfully stiff from the cold. I knocked and then knocked again. I couldn’t even feel my hands anymore and it hurt to knock. An old black woman answered the door and I explained we were with the victims of the accident and we embarrassingly really needed to pee. I barely got the whole thing out before she was rushing us inside and welcoming us with open arms. She was thrilled we asked. She showed us to the bathroom in her extremely warm home and then made the sweetest conversation with us making sure everyone in the accident were alright. Her name was Vera. Vera told us over and over that if we needed to get warm again to just walk right inside the home; that she’d keep the front door unlocked for us and we could show ourselves in. She offered us flavored water and then even gifted Hser Boe Paw some long, warm socks that she didn’t expect her to return when she saw her bare toes. Vera was such a blessing to us. I won’t forget that kind of kindness. 

We got back out to the scene and continued to wait for the officers to wrap up. They confirmed the accident wasn’t Thin Win’s fault and that he was allowed to leave and they would get his car towed, as it was completely totalled and would never work again. Meanwhile, we had called Moo Paw back home to run over to Hser Boe Paw’s apartment to look after her three children she left at home when we originally rushed out. I’m always falling deeper and deeper in love with this community how we elevate each other, support each other, and never have to go through anything alone. We have each other’s backs. Grateful. 

________

 

Two days after the car accident, it was an exhausting day for me that made me reach a limit I felt I had never reached before. It had been a week of cars on fire, long hours at the dentist for surgeries for neighbors, Paw La getting in a fender bender of her own and calling me for immediate help with the police officers and driving over there on a moment’s notice, frustrating phone calls with the apartment maintenance staff because so many neighbors were without heat and giving so many rides to people who couldn’t get out in the snow. I was just tired. Plain tired. It was another snow day for the kids at the complex and I was admittedly avoiding their text requests to come over so I could rest a little. 

My morning started with Hser Boe Paw and her husband sitting in my living room while I called their car insurance, the other driver’s car insurance, the tow company, and back and forth for two and a half hours. There was so much back and forth and while it took what felt like an eternity, the people I corresponded with were so patient and kind to understand my role in this and to allow me to help them communicate everything that had happened. I was fortunate to have been there at the scene of the accident to be able to know the answer to nearly every question the insurance people had. But it was a lot of waiting on hold too and getting transferred. Even after the two and a half hours, not everything had been finalized or sorted out. Geico told me they’d be calling me back soon. Hser Boe Paw and Thin Win went back upstairs and I took a minute to get a snack when there was a knock at the door. 

Mu Baw Htoo came over with her five year old daughter asking me to take her to the doctor to get her immunization records so she could give it to the elementary school for her to start there in the Fall. I figured we could just call them and we didn’t need to go in for that, so we sat together and made the call. They said they would try to get those to us that day but more than likely it would be 48 hours before they could have them printed. Mu Baw Htoo was very concerned about this because she was taking Eh Gay Moo to Kindergarten round-up the following day and felt she needed these before she went. The office told me they’d see what they could do and they’d call back if they could materialize the records sooner.

After I hung up, I helped her write a check for her electricity bill when simultaneously Hser Boe Paw was walking back into my apartment with her phone already on speaker with the Geico agent who was calling us back needing more information. I took a deep breath in and got back to it. As nice as the guy was, I was pleading with him to help get them reimbursement money sooner rather than later for a rental car because the husband can’t get to work without a car and the accident wasn’t his fault. What was the family supposed to do? They didn’t have money to get a car for themselves in the meantime. But the guy really couldn’t work with me much on it because a third vehicle, a UPS truck, was involved in the crash also and that was going to delay the processing of things a whole lot more. In the middle of this now, I have two of our little girls in my living room because they walked in in the middle of my phone call and were waiting til I got off to see if I would hang out with them. Mind you, I have barely acknowledged that they’re there yet. 

So I’m still in the heat of this emotional conversation with the Geico guy trying to figure out what their best options were, when Mu Baw Htoo came walking back into my living room, overwhelmed because someone speaking English had called her phone and she didn’t know what they were saying, and so she puts her phone right up to my ear while I’m literally still talking to the insurance guy on the phone at my other ear!! So now two phones were at my ears each discussing something completely different. I’m trying to focus still on the Geico man but understandably am missing everything he’d saying now because I’m sort of shooing Mu Baw Htoo away and brushing her phone away from me. I’m now staring at Hser Gay Moo, her daughter on my couch, motioning for her to help me with her mom. 

I literally still have two people talking to me in two different phones with three adults and two young girls present in my living room and everyone looking to me to solve their problems when my neighbor, Ler Htoo, walks in with a huge bag of rice on top of his head as a gift for me and starts talking to me in Karen. I was at a loss. HOW?? How did everyone think this was okay?? How did everyone in the room think I was superhuman and could take on all of what was happening smoothly, accurately and efficiently? It wasn’t possible. I choke out a laugh so that maybe I won’t cry. I tell the Geico guy, “I wish you could see the scene in my living room right now. I am so distracted, I’m going to have to call you back.”

I got off the phone, called the phone number back who Mu Baw Htoo had on the phone at my ear before only to discover that is was a wrong number from a veterinarian’s office telling them that their “dog” was ready for pickup. Slightly frustrating, but we move on. 

Then everyone except the kids left and I told them I just needed to eat something and breathe in silence for a bit. It had been hours since my day had started and I needed a moment. The girls were kind and understanding of that. Then, a knock at the door. Misty, one of my white American neighbors, came to the door asking if I would dedicate time in my week to teaching her three year old nephew to talk because they’re worried about him not speaking yet and they think I can teach him. She was visibly irritated with me when I told her I wasn’t sure if I had time for it. I told her they should think about having him see a speech pathologist if they were worried about his speech. She angrily told me “the president was taking away all their money” so they had nothing to be able to see a doctor as she closed the door on us and went back upstairs.

In an instant, I exploded with audible crying. I was so incredibly overwhelmed, frustrated, and dejected. I felt so unappreciated and tired. The little girls grabbed me tissues and rubbed my back and thanked me so much for helping their families. 

After I had let out all the tears I could, you guessed it, there was another knock at the door. This time it was Nyo, the guy I helped with his resume, coming to my door asking me if I would help him fill out a background check for the job that interviewed him. I had to remember he didn’t know what kind of day it was for me when he showed up. He wasn’t trying to be a burden. He just needed help. So I mustered up enough happy energy to help him fill it out with a smile on my face. We got it finished relatively quickly and then afterwards I made jokes about locking myself in my room for a few days. But I really just knew I needed more of Jesus.
All of these kinds of days are always going to be too much if I’m not filling my heart and mind with the promises of Jesus. Even when I felt so unseen by my neighbors, I knew Jesus saw me, loved me, and called me worthy of his sacrifice. 

_____________

 

Paw Ku is a young woman who moved to the United States recently (September 2018) who moved here from the same refugee camp in Thailand where so many of our families lived. She is so driven that in this small time frame she already communicates better in English than many of the women I interact with every day at my apartment who have been here many years longer. In addition, she also got her learner’s permit within the first few months as well. She doesn’t have a car, but she was so eager to learn. On a gorgeous day in early November 2018, I took Paw Ku, Day Mu, and Moo Paw out to a huge parking lot to practice driving after three hours of classroom review on how to drive a car in my living room that morning. 

Day Mu was there merely just to watch and experience it all with us, but it was Moo Paw and Paw Ku’s very first time ever being behind the wheel, so we started from scratch. Man, I adore being the person to help them experience these things for the very first time, to help them feel empowered to reach their dreams, to help them do things they never thought they’d have the opportunity to do. It was scary, and even though they are each in their twenties, it felt like I was teaching one of our young teenage boys–the way the car would jerk forward so fast with an immediate and aggressive braking as soon as they realized how terrified they were.

Their sensitivity to the touch of the gas and the brakes was extreme and we were all car sick in half an hour, but we pressed on regardless. Them learning to respond to directions stated to them in English was an obstacle in and of itself, but they were doing amazing. Parking straight and accurately was definitely the hardest thing they were trying to get the hang of. Two and a half hours later, through all the laughs, them feeling discouraged at some points and encouraged at others, and nailing a steady progression when the car first goes into drive, and turning without going into another person’s imaginary lane and straightening the wheel without overcorrecting, we called it a day. It was so obvious how much all of them felt so proud of themselves. They had accomplished something in that lesson that they never thought they would. I felt so proud of them too. 

I took all of us out for fruit smoothies down the street at Juice Stop, which they loved and felt special for, and drove us all home. I still hear about this wonderful day, a few months later. They can’t wait for the weather to warm up in the spring so that we can get back out and practice and I can’t wait for the day when I watch them pass their driving test, knowing I got the honor and privilege of helping them get to that step. They’re incredible women. 

 

*****

Robbie and I have an American neighbor who lives upstairs and across from us. I don’t think it’s necessary to write their names. She is 29 years old yet has seven children including a newborn (all boys, except the infant). I have had many interactions with her since she moved into the apartments over the summer. She’s really great, and she’s really trying, but boy her life has not been easy. She had her first child when she was 14 and her boys are difficult (we’ve discussed this matter together a time or two). 

At the beginning of October, her 9-year-old son was having an outburst— possibly a panic attack, something everyone in our building has become accustomed to with him because we can often hear it happening through the walls. The screaming at the top of his lungs this particular day was blood-curdling and it went on for twenty minutes with no break–screaming, crying, screaming, hysterics. I’d never heard it this desperate before and it was heartbreaking to listen to from my apartment. The yells were growing raspy; the sheer volume of his wailing was enough to hear from out in the courtyard. I’m not exaggerating. I have a recording of it on my phone because I knew people wouldn’t believe just how painful the screaming was to listen to unless they heard it for themselves. I could even hear his mama, “You’re going to pass out! Please stop crying! You need to breathe!”

I kept thinking, “It’s none of my business. I shouldn’t go up there.” Several of our kids were with me in my apartment as I stood in my doorway debating whether I should step in. I wanted to set a good example for our kids, but I, too, was as concerned and nervous as they were. Yet, I felt Jesus nudging me. I knew I needed to go up there. It had gone on too long. 

I nervously knocked on the door in the middle of the chaos. The mom yelled out, “Just let yourself in!” And I opened the door to the boy screaming “HELP ME!” repeatedly with body shaking and convulsing in his tearful mother’s arms on the couch while she tried with all her strength to control him. I immediately sat down next to them and laid my hands on both of them. Over his deafening screams I voiced loudly, “Can I pray for you?” He continued to wail. So I said, “In the name of JESUS! Will you surround this boy…” as I continued, I noticed at the mention of Jesus’ name, he went silent. He was breathing normally again. His mother loosened her arms around him and I continued to pray that he would know how deeply loved and cherished he is. And that his mother would know she is strong and not alone in this. We all had tears in our eyes as we calmed down from it all. She was so thankful. 

And I was so so thankful also for the Spirit of God and how He works through His people. I told the mom I was available if she needed anything, and then I left pretty quickly to allow them space to recover. That evening, Robbie and I went and picked up a few large pizzas for their family just to remind them we loved them and were there to help. I am learning to embrace opportunities to love my neighbors who are not Karen. God favors no one and He sees everyone, and I mean truly sees you, knows you, and loves you. We should do the same. 

 

*****

 

Six days before Christmas, one of “our boys”, Thing Aye, a 20-year-old, called me and said he noticed his bedroom window was broken when he came home from school. He was asking if I could come look at his window and maybe call the landlord to fix it for them. I walked into his bedroom, saw the large crack in the window, and called to put a maintenance request in for it.

I think it really bothered him that someone likely through a rock at his window for no reason, and he couldn’t really get over it. He said, “I want to find the rock that hit the window. Will you go outside with me and look for the rock?” I knew it would do no good to go outside and look for what hit his window, but I wanted to support him, so I agreed. We were outside and downstairs (his window is on the second floor) ridiculously looking for a rock when I told him I’m sure it wasn’t targeted at him and reminded him we have lots of rebellious teenagers that roam the apartment grounds in the afternoons skipping school and doing stupid stuff in the middle of the night. Someone was just being mean, I’m sure. He agreed with me. 

This is when I got a bad feeling. I thought, “Thing Aye, ALWAYS parks his car below his window to keep tabs on it. If someone threw a rock up there, I hope nothing happened to his car also.” I don’t even know why I had that thought, but it worried me. He drives a big Acura MDX with three rows–something the 9-person family had dreamed of having for a long time and had finally saved up and made a reality of it in the summertime. 

I walked two feet over to his car and pulled the passenger side door handle. Again, I still don’t know why I would have tried to open the door because I know Thing Aye always always remembers to lock his car doors. I know this because I drive with his family somewhere usually multiple times a week. And even when I’m the one driving his car, he reminds me to lock the doors when we go inside. So when the passenger door opened with one tug, Thing Aye said, “Wait, how is that unlocked??” and I knew it couldn’t be good. 

There were broken tools with melted edges, plastic car pieces, and other odds and ends strewn about the passenger seat. I was confused until I panned my vision upwards to see the whole ignition had been taken out of the car. There were wires exposed in every direction. His vehicle had been hotwired unsuccessfully but unfortunately they were successful in the fact that the car no longer started. I ran over to the driver’s side door, immediately in tears. It had just been weeks prior that I had sat with their family and called so many different car insurance companies to try to get them a better rate because they weren’t able to afford their current option anymore. Damage like this to their family car was not going to improve their financial situation. I was so burdened for them. I hated this. I wished it had happened to my car instead of them. Why them??

Thing Aye and I relayed what happened to his mom who was looking down at us from Thing Aye’s bedroom window above us. She was distraught. We rushed back inside and tried to process what we had just discovered. I think the hardest part for me that day was watching Mya Thin (his mom) blame Thing Aye for everything. She and her husband were convinced it was his fault for not locking the doors and that he must have made enemies with someone and that person had destroyed their car and broke his bedroom window afterward. I guess you have to know Thing Aye for yourself. He’s just so kind and considerate of others. He just received Student of the Quarter at Benson High School for academics and leadership skills. I know him well. He’s not making enemies. And say he did happen to forget to lock his doors one night–it still doesn’t make this his fault. 

I tried with everything I could muster to explain to the family why this sort of thing isn’t anyone’s fault. There are just bad people who do bad things in this world and often times those bad things happen to good people. People who don’t deserve it. This family has been taken advantage of, gotten license plates stolen, tricked, and now had their car broken into. I can understand why they try to find an answer to why these things happen. At some point we want logic to help cope with traumatic situations, but sometimes logic doesn’t work. 

I ended up spending five hours with them that day.. Calling the insurance company only to remember they have liability-only so it was pointless, calling the non-emergency police line and then handling the police report with the officer when he got there, calling a mechanic to get an estimate of how much it would cost to fix, calling the landlord to fill him in that two of my neighbor’s cars had been broken into that week (Hser Boe Paw had asked me two days prior to come look at her car because someone had shattered the back door window. Nothing had been stolen. Just a very inconvenient situation. And that day I drove her kids to school since she usually drove them but had glass everywhere in her back seat). 

But mostly, I spent those five hours sitting on the bed with them rubbing their backs, holding them in their tears, trying to console them and encourage them when they couldn’t make sense of the situation and I spent time reminding them that I loved them. I drove them to get groceries that evening at Walmart and while I was there with them, I could see some smiles returning to their faces. I finally had time that day to recognize what a great and deep honor it is to walk with these families through some of their darkest and toughest times. That, of anyone, they choose me to be there when it gets hard. I feel so privileged to love them, to walk alongside them. It’s my greatest joy to experience these days with my best friends– even when it is devastating, because family sticks around when everyone else would want to leave. They were so grateful, so so very grateful for me. But I am so grateful for them. 

That night we missed Bible study because of this chaos. It was the night of our Bible study’s Christmas party and gift exchange. I had texted a few friends to fill them in on why we wouldn’t be there. Later that night when I was finally home, several of our friends showed up at our door with party snacks, baked goods, chips and salsa, and lots of little gifts to bring over to Thing Aye’s family. We delivered the gifts and all the kids in their family (there’s a lot of them) were ecstatic and appreciative. Given the amount of joy this community brings me in the way they display Christ’s love to one another gives me great confidence in how much joy it must bring Jesus Himself. Proud.

 

*******

 

In January, my neighbor Hser Boe Paw asked me after our English class that morning if I would be willing to go with her to tour a house she and her husband were considering buying. This took me off guard because I didn’t know they were even thinking about it. But I was more than happy to tag along and give my input. 

I drove her family over to a tiny house merely blocks away that was on the market for 80,000. That’s a pretty good price, but mind you, this house was easily as small as their apartment. Their real estate agent, an older white man, joined us at the property. I tried to ask him how he got connected with this family but he was pretty closed off to me even being present that day at all so I didn’t get a lot of detail other than that he had one Karen friend who has lived in the U.S. many more years than most Karen families here and that man connects his friends with this agent. Anyway, I didn’t like the process. Hser Boe Paw and her husband took a super quick look around and just decided they were going to buy it and they didn’t ask any questions and the agent offered no advice for them either. He just accepted they were going to sign a contract for it and that was that. I guess because I care so deeply for these people, it was difficult for me to not want to be a little slower with the process and try to make sure we were making a wise choice first. But I’ve never purchased a home myself before and if Hser Boe Paw believed she was ready, I wasn’t prepared to stop her. 

The agent told me to follow him to that Karen man’s house he spoke of before. He said we would go there to print all the contracts out, go over them and start signing everything. We arrived and sat on the couch while the white man and the Karen man worked at a slow computer and messed with getting the printer to work. We waited a long time, probably 45 minutes before the agent sat down on an opposite couch and started going over some things with us. Let me also say that during this entire conversation, the Karen man was in the kitchen doing something else, not interpreting and not helping at all. He never actually spoke one word to me or the family. So the agent starts in, “What would you like to offer on the house?” And I just sort of looked at Hser Boe Paw in horror at the thought of this question because, well, she has no idea what that sentence even means. I was immediately overwhelmed for her, and tried to explain quickly and with few words what making an offer on a house is and why you might try to offer less than what they were selling it for but that she could decide whatever she wanted to do. Unfortunately even this confused her. She just said, “I thought it cost $80,000?” so that’s what we said her offer would be. 

Next, he started going over her down payment amount and how much he imagined closing costs to be. He was speaking at a pace that even I myself had to catch up with considering home buying jargon is unfamiliar territory for me– so I empathized with the confusion on Hser Boe Paw’s face. She kept looking to me to see if I was smiling and nodding and then she would just mimic whatever I did. I wasn’t comfortable with this scenario at all. I wanted to slow everything down, offer more education first, have a willing interpreter present, etc. before we thrust a refugee family into making such a huge decision. But the agent didn’t even change his vocabulary to fit the situation. He just plowed through topics like property taxes, closing costs, home inspection, and 30 year mortgages like she was tracking with him the whole time but she wasn’t. He walked away to grab water when I said to Hser Boe Paw, “I’m worried about you buying this home unless you really understand what he’s talking about. Are you understanding him?” and she flat out said, “No, Chase, I don’t understand anything he is talking about. But if you think I should buy it, we will buy it today!” My stomach dropped. I felt responsible in a bad way. I cannot be the final say on this. Did they even have money for a down payment?

When the agent returned, I said, “Before we keep moving on, what kind of down payment does she need to have for this home?” (I knew she should be putting down a responsible 20% or so, but knew there was likely no way she had that but I didn’t want to assume). He said, “Well, let’s ask her. How much do you want to put down today?” And she didn’t know what that meant. So I just flat out asked her how much she had in her bank account. She said $1,000. I wanted to cry. I didn’t want her to make a big financial mistake that day. But I figured it was okay because after the agent found out that info, surely we would be told that she couldn’t buy the home with only that little amount anyway and we would move on with our lives. But I was wrong. The agent started a dialogue about this program he helps refugees with that allows them to put just a $1,000 down payment on a home. I couldn’t believe it. Even if she COULD qualify for that, there’s no way that would be the compassionate, wise thing to let someone do who would then have no emergency fund left in their account and an interest level on their mortgage payments so high they’d be paying on the home the rest of their lives and then some with no hope of every actually owning it.
I stepped in and put an end to it. I still don’t know if it was the right thing to do, but I just said, “I’m sorry, I think she and her husband really need to do some more planning before they offer on a home and I want them to be set up for success when they do. So we are going to go home now.” The agent accepted that, but we were probably three hours into all of this from the time we started looking at the home until then and we were all pretty exhausted. We talked the whole way home and she did acknowledge to me that she didn’t quite feel ready yet to purchase a home and I was glad for the experience but more glad that we had gotten out before it was too late.
I got home and immediately started planning a little home buying “curriculum,” per say, for my at-home English class. I figured that’s what my class is for– to prepare them for life in America and this was relevant and practical. The very next day, I began teaching Day Mu, Moo Paw, and Hser Boe Paw all about home buying and the important vocabulary to know and fully understand when starting the process of looking for a home. It was a lot of material. Over the next three weeks, and 45 hours of class time, they learned and learned and reviewed and reviewed. I even tested them on it, which I very rarely test them on anything. They had soaked up so much in a relatively small amount of time– but that’s how I knew it was meaningful to them. Because they didn’t just hear it– they remembered the material and could repeat it back to me every morning. 

One day in the midst of all of this, word spread around the apartment that I had been teaching those three women this topic. Multiple other moms were intrigued and also wanted to learn how they could buy a home in America and what they needed to do to prepare for it. Day Mu, who had an incredibly good understanding of the material and was able to have an intelligent conversation in English with me about it, offered to interpret a lesson on it to the moms in the complex who were just as interested, but wouldn’t be able to learn it in English like her. I loved that idea and so right after we had wrapped up our morning class, we brought lunch over to another apartment across the courtyard, invited in five other moms and sat together on the living room floor and began. None of those women can even read or write in their own language, so they weren’t taking notes, but they were avidly listening. 

Day Mu did a phenomenal job and as usual, I realized I couldn’t do this all without her. The mothers had so many questions and they discussed intermittently amongst themselves about the learning. I remember this day was the first day I ever told any of the families about “Yellow Door, LLC,” the company my friends and I were attempting to start to help our Karen friends live independently and successfully in quality homes. I offered this option to them for the future, not guaranteeing a timeline, as I came to recognize through this one experience that most of the families in our complex were beginning to start thinking about home buying and getting out of these terrible apartments. 

On one hand, I was proud of these women who had been through so much and who face tremendous obstacles everyday in American life that they would still have the energy to dream for themselves of getting out of the apartment and into a home, but on the other hand, I was also worried for them that they wouldn’t heed my advice to rent a home first before buying unless they had a significant amount in their bank accounts saved for a down payment and all the home maintenance costs that come when you no longer have a landlord paying the cost of that. Chat Htoo’s mom told me that day through Day Mu’s interpreting, “Chase, I know it’s because you love me and my family that you are telling me that you don’t think we should buy a home just yet. And I thank you for that. But I want you to know, we are still going to buy one.” It was through comments like these that I felt like a burdened mama– I had educated and advised and loved, but I could only do so much to protect them. They were going to make their own decisions regardless. 

Over the course of the last seven months, I have watched several families go on to buy homes they could not afford. As far as I know, all of them have used that same agent Hser Boe Paw and her husband were using that day. Unfortunately, they have been allowed to put tiny down payments on homes near $130,000 and it honestly breaks my heart. I have dealt with the burden of knowing these families probably thought/think I’m crazy for telling them they “needed” way way way more money saved up before they could buy a house when their lenders have allowed them to borrow insane amounts of money that don’t match their finances. I have had families come back to me saying they are having trouble feeding their families now that they are paying for their expensive houses, having trouble putting gas in their cars, having a hard time understanding why they have a water bill now that they never had before in an apartment– and it breaks my heart. Even Day Mu has said to me after hearing about the state of these families after going against my advice and education, “But Chase! We tried so so hard. We told them this would happen!” and she’s right. 

This is a hard thing for me to write about because it feels like a story of failure, almost. But ultimately it’s an honest story. It’s real life. It’s hard and it’s led me to some difficult days of feeling beside myself with how to help. But it keeps me motivated to help the housing crisis in Omaha. There isn’t quality affordable housing, and there aren’t enough educational opportunities for immigrants on this topic in our area. I want to change that. I want these families and other families to be so prepared for home ownership by the time they even start touring houses. Working every day on this. Pray for us. 

 

_____

 

Speaking of families moving. When Chat Htoo’s family moved into their house in March 2019, they didn’t realize some of the changes that would come along with that transition. One, namely being that they weren’t in their Rose Hill Elementary school district anymore and they didn’t qualify for a bus given their new address. They could still remain at that school, but they would have to either walk the one and a half miles mostly uphill each day or else find a ride of their own to get there. Thing Aye, the three elementary sibling’s older brother, has a car and a license but he goes to high school which starts an hour before elementary starts, so that wouldn’t work. And then their oldest brother who works overnights would technically be home in time in the mornings to take them but he was stubborn and refused to take them each day. 

I got a call from the ESL teacher at Rose Hill, who I honestly have regular communication with anyway, who was really sad to see this situation happen to three of their awesome students, so she asked if I’d be willing to bring mom in with me and have a meeting at the school with an interpreter to discuss the kids’ options. So I did. The thought of switching these three kids to a different school their last two and a half months of the school year seemed so sad. If the mom wasn’t willing to force her oldest son to drive them after he got home from work, they’d have to switch schools. Which also meant Chat Htoo would miss graduating from 5th grade in a couple months with all the friends she’d had since she moved to the United States in second grade, three years before. I understand that their mom was in a tough spot, stuck between three young children who were crying every night about not wanting to change schools and a twenty three year old son who was stubborn and unwilling to drive them to keep them at that school. But in essence, she just said, “They’ll start at the new school tomorrow.” And I just couldn’t let them do that. 

I remember moving states as a kid and how traumatizing it was to leave my friends. In many ways, it’s just part of growing up– experiencing certain “unfair” things. But this seemed avoidable and unnecessary. Had it been the start of the year or even a whole semester left, maybe I could see letting them suck it up and switch schools. But they were so close to the end, and I wanted them to be able to finish the year strong with their friends instead of walking into a brand new classroom two months before summer in a new school, new teachers, and new peers. So I spoke up and said I’d commit to driving her kids to school every day until Summer break. The ESL teacher and the interpreter were equally surprised. They kind of tried to talk me out of it because it really wasn’t my responsibility. But I had made up my mind. 

It made Chat Htoo’s mom very very happy and ultimately, I was happier knowing they would get to stay. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t dread it many mornings, getting up early, driving over to their house, waiting for them to get ready and in the car, and driving them to school, returning home and getting breakfast ready before starting my morning English class at home. I just have to be honest about that– most days I nearly regretted the decision because I did it sort of resentful of the oldest brother knowing he could have done it himself but he didn’t care as much about that aspect of their lives as I did. He was honest about that. But on the last day of school, when I was dropping them off one last time, seeing them so so excited to have one last hurrah with all of their friends, I knew it was worth doing it. I would hope someone would have done something like that for me if I were them. 

 

Little odds and ends:

• Robbie got me a 2007 Honda Pilot, my now dream car, so that I can fit all our kids in its amazing three rows (something I have dreamed about for most of this year after making room in our lives for so many kids every day). 
• The joy for the girls to put Karen makeup on my face one day (Karen makeup could easily be mistaken as yellow sunscreen that didn’t totally get rubbed in to an American, but it’s beautiful to them in their culture.). They had wanted to forever and I always resisted, but I felt pretty proud to wear it once it was on. My American friend came over later that night and the first thing she said was, “What the heck do you have on your face?!” if that tells you at all how funny it might look to most Americans. But I loved feeling more like them. And they loved seeing it on me. 
• My good friend Ann, who we have walked with through the last couple years of Physician’s Assistant school with, is always just a phone call away when one of my neighbor’s has a health concern. I’ve been so grateful for her quick and free advice, always given with the sincerest empathy and love. Never was I more grateful for her than when one of my neighbors was calling me one early afternoon saying her baby had sores all over her mouth and outside of her mouth and didn’t know what to do. I ran home from being at another friend’s house to look at the baby. Was it hand, foot, mouth disease? Was it going to get worse? Did we have anything to worry about? I called Ann who was literally in the middle of studying for her boards that she would take the very next day when she dropped everything she was doing at a coffee shop with a buddy to drive over to the apartments and examine my friend’s child. I was so touched by this. She came quickly and put Moo Paw and me at such ease knowing she confidently felt that Eh Tha Seh was experiencing a virus and that she could take children’s motrin and be recovered in a matter of days. Her presence was so important that day and it saved a long and expensive unnecessary trip to the doctor. I feel so grateful for our wide spread family here in Omaha that always lifts each other up. Sure enough, Eh That Seh was better in a week. 
• Eh You Paw, Chat Htoo, Hser Gay Moo and I had another sleepover during Christmas break. Something they haven’t stopped talking about since our last sleepover in April. It was everything a slumber party should be– popcorn, movies, painting nails, talking til three in the morning and getting absolutely the worst sleep of your life sleeping side by side 4 people in a queen sized bed. Haha 
• I got to gift my 38 year old Karen friend, Paw La, with getting her ears pierced for Christmas. She had told me once before how she would love to wear earrings, but that her holes had long since closed since the time in Thailand she had it pierced very lopsided and too close to her head. She was so pleased with the outcome and told everyone we came in contact with that “Chase gave me a Christmas gift that will last forever!! It’s so great!”
• Paw La hosted Robbie and I and a dozen of our American friends at her apartment on November 30th in celebration of a Christian Karen holiday called “Sweet December.” I got there many hours early to help chop vegetables, gather ingredients, mix things, and help wherever I could. That night ended up being one of the most fun nights I’d ever experienced with my American and Karen friends combined. There was intentional conversation, Joy to the world sung in English and Karen, scripture read, tons of incredible Karen food consumed, and each of us were able to build our own homemade spring rolls. The living room was hot with the rumble of laughter and stories. I felt privileged to be a part of it, giving God all the glory and praise for bringing all these people together in genuine friendship. 
• I started hearing about how much the youngest girls were looking forward to their Rose Hill Elementary winter program from the very first day of school back in August. Hser Gay Moo specifically talked about it with excitement at least once a week for every week of fall semester. So it was pretty special to take her to the mall and go to H&M and find her an adorable dress in their kids section that she absolutely loved. We got dip n’ dots after in celebration of our dress victory. Robbie was very supportive of how much time we took to find the perfect dress. And then once the day of December program arrived, Brett and I both came to watch, Bretty with a beautiful bouquet of flowers for each of them that they were so honored and elated to receive. As we watched them both during their class’s cute Christmas songs, doing the motions and singing loud, they would make eye contact with Brett and me and our giant supportive smiles and applause and the girls would each get a little shy yet embarrassed but they couldn’t help themselves but to smile back at us. They told us how happy it made them to have us there and how much it meant that we didn’t miss Winter Program. Just grateful I have a sister with such a huge heart who takes off work just to show her support of our kids. She loves them so big.
• Taking Day Mu to a coffee shop for the very first time in her life on her 23rd birthday in September 2018. Jadee came with us and we brought Paw La along too. We started with some tea that we all really enjoyed and then had some sweet cake bread to pair it with. Day Mu told me over and over again for a week how special it was to have her birthday not only acknowledged but celebrated. This was another first for her. She loved it. 

 

No matter how much time passes here, life continues to be more special based on the small everyday moments than the big elaborate events. It’s the English lessons with my favorite Karen women on my rug every morning, the countless meals I make and share with my family of eight kids nearly every night, every afternoon after school gathered with one or three kids helping them with homework every single day from 6th grade math, to 8th grade English to 12th grade history, the way every day is so unpredictable and I never know who will knock on my door that day for what issue– whether it’s “Chase! Come quickly! The loud noise! It won’t stop!” to which I find their smoke alarm is ceaselessly going off and I rush to find a chair to climb on to reset it and they are so relieved and thankful, or someone has blown a fuse and has no idea what happened or what to do, or much much bigger issues like car accidents or how to re-apply for Medicaid to keep their benefits. I promise to never lose sight of how beautiful it all is, even the weeks I’m in over my head and feel like the problems are insurmountable. I promise to never stop dreaming for bigger and better for these people, to never stop loving them, fighting for them, and working towards a goal of living in a city that cares for the least and treats them equally.